(via tongue-like-candy)
Alone.
I’m not sure what I want. I just know what I don’t want. I don’t wanna be controlled by any means, I don’t wanna wear the pants, I don’t want someone that can’t have their life together. I’ve been there & done that. I’m tired of being everyone’s rock. I’m tired of taking care of everyone. I’m tired of being that person for everyone when no one is that person for me. I should stay up till 3 and 4 am to listen to people cry but when somethings wrong on my end everyone’s busy? Yeap. Welcome to my life. How often do I cry? Like never. How often do i feel like driving off a bridge? Close to never. So why the fuck can’t someone pay attention to me?!
I feel 1000000000% alone. Don’t get me wrong. I love Sajjaad, Aaron, Richard, Drew, Randy, Brian and Aruna more than life itself. I swear through everything these passed few weeks they’ve been the only thing that’s kept me sane. But even with them I feel alone.
I miss battery park =/ I miss being in my own corner. I miss…idk i just miss everything..
Broken Hearted
I’d like to wake up and think that you’ll be back. I miss you =/ Do you know how it feels to lose your best friend? I do. There’s no replacement for a guy that respected you more than anyone in the world, that took care of you more than anyone in the world, and loved you twice that.
Ravi, I know you’re looking down (and occasionally shaking your head) but thats not enough. Tonight, more than any other, i miss you. I’d do just about anything to get a call asking to go to crossbay…no one does that with me anymore. It’s been almost two years but i miss yu all the same. Thinking about you being gone breaks my heart everyday. I love you ravi <3
Goodnight.
tired.
To be honest, at some point in the past few months i realized that i gave up. Im not sure when exactly it was, maybe last december? maybe that was MY breaking point? whatever. it doesn’t matter. it only matters that im tired of trying. that im tired of caring. that im tired of being the only one that constantly puts an effort, being the one that has to throw hints in order to be asked my schedule so we can make plans. im tired of having to answer to someone that doesnt believe they should at least let me know when they’ll be home. i dont own anyone, thats fine, i dont want to but im not gonna be owned either then. im so tired of being in the same dead end….
but as much as i vent guess what? im still here. why? im not fucking sure. i feel like that dumb dog that gets kicked and comes back for more. i dont know if its because i think things will go back to the way they were, that may be it…but we’re so passed that. i know people change but nothing should change this much.
Work at 7am but of course…
I can’t sleep.
Probably because it’s the first night in a long time that I’m not on the phone until I fall asleep but that’s okay, it’s good to be alone sometimes. I was getting far too spoiled with that anyway.
Anyways, who’s on my mind tonight? Mr. Ravi Basdeo. You know, this is why I end up dreaming nonsense….
btw ravi did you find that funny? because i think you scared me, sharaz, andy and dave. good job bro, good job. kick rocks. wait are there rocks up there? okay kick clouds. WAIT KICK RIYAAD!
So once upon I had a friend named Ravi. A genuine friend. I miss him. </3 Days like these he would’ve already swooped in like a knight in shining armor to save me with starbucks and a trip to Crossbay. I miss the trips to starbucks where we watched for cops like we had just robbed a bank… that fool was probably taking Aunty Seeta’s car before he even knew what a permit was. LOL the things I thought were cool back in the day smh Anyways, i miss the trips when we just sat by the water talking nonsense or not talking at all. Why doesn’t anyone do that with me anymore?
Anyways, I need my knight back. You can’t ever really replace a best friend as good as this one.
You’d be crazy proud of my new choice in best friends though sir. I just gave them mad tumblr space but i like them so leave them alone. Kay, Im going to sleep now..dont come make me dream nonsense because i will ban you from my dreams! Anyways goodnight, see you on bday. ROFL SIKE. kloveyoubye
Yes, i’m going to continue to write to ravi on my tumblr because its MY tumblr and i can do whatever i want.
“No she’s not my cousin, don’t call her that again. She’s my little sister. She’s not Sharaz’s girl or Chenelle’s friend. She’s MY little sister.”
So glad I was blessed with a big brother that truly loves me :)
Dear Dasser & Davindra,
I have a tumblr rule. Once i’ve included you on my tumblr you’re not allowed to leave my life. That’s just how it works. No, you don’t get a say in this. This is a contract that you just entered into with me. Any breach of contract will result in you wearing a cement suit to sleep with the fishes.
Don Zim has spoken.
Alright new editions to my tumblr life.
- First is Mr. Andy Das-ser.
Okay so i met him at work, found out he knows my whole world, and became best friends with him. You’d think I can just call him best friends bc i see him so often but really it has nothing to do with that, it has far more to do with the fact that he always has my back when i’m right and doesn’t hesitate to tell me when i’m wrong…it also has a lot to do with the fact that he’s there when I need someone (as yu can see with my 2mil posts abt him). Anyways enough mush about him bc he always gets mush.
I love him. The end.
- & Next Comes Davindra.
Now here’s someone i don’t normally write mush over but definitely deserves it - Did i hate him for a few weeks in the beginning? Absolutely. Can I imagine what the passed few weeks woulda been like without him as a friend? Absolutely not.
There aren’t many people that I take to quickly but this one for some reason I did (prob cause he’s a leo and aries always loves leos - that also explains Dasser) anyways I’m glad that I didn’t write him off because I don’t think anyone has been a better shoulder than he has over the passed couple of weeks; If there’s one thing I’ve learned to appreciate in my life its people that care & by the looks of it Dave cares. I could go on and on about the millions of things he helps me with or the thousands of issues he listens to me bitch about but i doubt that any of my followers wanna read all that so moving on…
There are very few people I can continue to want to talk to everyday after more than a month (few as in like i can only think of two) and Dave has quickly become one of them.
*PS i hate this picture.I look like a child and he is…well okay i guess he’s being Dave so that’s okay. Anyways demanding a retake the next time i see him.*
The only reason I chose to do these two together instead of separate post is because -
1. I met them around the same time & we became close around the same time
2. To me they were a packaged deal - “you get a patient manager and a set of two wonderful friends all for the price of one” LMAO
But in all honesty, I have quickly developed a love for these morons (<3) that spoil me, encourage me, and help me keep my head above the water. And even though they both try to deny it I know they love me too because only real love can make you deal with someone as crazy as myself every single day LOL
Ravi and Riyaad used to sing this to me :)
